smashrising | Jock Hocks a Flock of Boxed Stock

Who: Jock, Jock's Socks, Jock's Jorts, Jock's Clocks, Jock's Crocks, Jock's Frocks, and Jock's Locks. And you.
What: Jock has found many things through the use of his very good nose. He shares them with you.
Where: Just outside the main entrance to Le Maison de Smash.
When: Noon to Four pm, Monday through Friday afternoon of this week (yes, this one; March 21-25)
Warnings: Jorts. Too many rhymes.

Jock had spent a large portion of the last month in being very helpful. Extremely helpful. He had gone to great lengths to uncover vast treasures of supplies for everyone. Aside from the occasional hunting foray -- really, he had the benefit of pre-cooking dinner, such a good helper was he -- he also used his exceptional smelling agent to track down boxes of supplies hidden about the mansion. And, having found them, and stockpiled them for several weeks, has decided that it is time to give them away to any who may need them.

Jock has, for any interested parties, boxes of: Socks (in men's and women's fashions), Jorts (all sizes, all cuts), Clocks (mostly character themed), Crocks (stoneware, not the shoes or swimmable lizards), Frocks (assorted, suitable for women of any age), and Locks (pad- and combination- both).

He has a sign up that reads: "FREE STUFF JUST TALK WITH ME TO GET SOME FREE STUFF -- IF YOU HAVE BALLS TO TRADE IN YOU CAN GET EXTRA FREE STUFF."

He's wearing a pair of the jorts, so you know that he believes deeply in his free stuff.

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

"Wow!" exclaimed Jock. "Wow, are you made out of bones? Wow!"

He's amazed. He's so amazed. He's. He's moving up close to you. He's right next to you. He's standing next to you. This very buff man wearing jorts is right next to you.

He's. He's licking your face.

Oh, dear.

"NYEH! WHAT DO YOU THINK YOU'RE DOING, HUMAN?!" Some new kind of kissing, probably. Regardless, Papyrus jumps back a few feet.

"I needed to taste you to make sure you tasted like bones," responded Jock, as he stepped closer to the skeleman.

"You do. You taste like bones. Don't worry, it's okay. I'm really an Arcanine. I'm allowed to lick you."

See, Papyrus, that makes it okay.

"YOU SAY THAT AS IF I'M SUPPOSED TO KNOW WHAT IT MEANS! NOT THAT I DON'T, MIND YOU! BUT, THAT ISN'T IMPORTANT RIGHT NOW! MORE IMPORTANT IS THIS! I'VE GOTTEN THE FEELING THAT YOU MAY INTEND TO ATTEMPT TO MAKE A SNACK OUT OF MY BODY, AM I CORRECT?"

"What, no, that would be really rude," said Jock. "My mom trained me better than to attack people just because they taste good. I mean, almost everybody tastes good. I'd be eating everybody if I did that."

Carnivore, Papyrus. He's a hardcore carnivore.

"HMM! SOMEHOW, I STILL DON'T QUITE TRUST YOU! I'M QUITE REMINDED OF A THIEVING AND OH SO ANNOYING DOG!"

"Okay, first off, dogs are great. Every dog is great. Some dogs are better than other dogs, so maybe this dog you know was only a little bit great, but I can let you know that I'm super great. And also, I don't steal things that aren't mine. So don't accuse me of stealing things, because I didn't."

Jock looks a little angry at you now, Papyrus. Because you called him a thief and annoying.

"ONLY BECAUSE AN ANNOYING DOG KEEPS STEALING MY SPECIAL ATTACK! I ACCUSE YOU OF NOTHING, DOG LIKE HUMAN! I AM MERELY SUSPICIOUS! ONLY A LITTLE BIT!"

"Okay, I'm not a dog-like human I'm a human-like dog."

There was a sudden poof of smoke, Papyrus.

And then, I don't know if you're ready for this.

Edited 2016-03-31 02:24 (UTC)

Behold, the six-foot tall brilliant godbeast that is an Arcanine in his full glory - fuzz for days and stripes on stripes on stripes.

Papyrus isn't so much surprised more than he is AMAZED.

"WOWIE! WHAT COOL MAGIC YOU HAVE!"

This makes the Arcanine feel good, as you have told him he is cool, and he is very cool.

Arcanine gives you several happy licks on your delicious-tasting face.

"AAACK! MY EYE SOCKETS!" They are now substantially filled with drool. No worries, it's draining. On his scarf. Guess he'll be taking an extra shower today.

It is sort of weird to lick you where your eyes should be, but aren't.

It's okay. Jock can dry you off. Out of his mouth comes a powerfully warm breeze. A very mild Heat Wave. Please enjoy this living hairdryer made out of hair.

NYEH.....THANK YOU, I THINK....

Jock pops back into being a dude after you're dried off.

"See, that's what I am. I'm a cute, adorable, strong, powerful, manly, fuzzy dog that everybody loves."

All of these things are true.

"WELL, ALL RIGHT THEN! SO LONG AS YOU DON'T RUN OFF WITH MY SPECIAL ATTACK, I THINK WE'LL BE GREAT FRIENDS, DOG LIKE HUMAN!"

"You do attacks? Are you a pokemon? I have special attacks, too. Like my flamethrower."

Jock took this moment to lean his head back and up and blow a flamethrower up into the air.

"Like that!"

"THAT SURE IS A STRANGE NAME FOR MONSTER, FRIEND! ANOTHER MONSTER I SPOKE TO USED IT AS WELL!

BUT! IF WE ARE SHOWING OFF ATTACKS!" He snaps his fingers! Chkchkchk deeleeleelee! Wait, where did that box come from? Where did that heart come from? He's posing quite awesomely though.

Jock looks at you confusedly. "Uh...................." he looks at the box and the heart and also what color is Jock's heart IS IT STRIPED DOES JOCK GET STRIPES "I don't understand?"

He doesn't understand.

"NOW, THAT IS YOUR SOUL! FEEL FREE TO MOVE IT ABOUT!" Papyrus waits for Jock to do so.

Jock just stands there confused. "Uh, no? You don't fight with a heart you fight by hitting and biting."

As your brother famously reminded us all, if one person never takes a turn, the other one doesn't get to go forward.

"MMM, MAYHAPS WHERE YOU COME FROM THAT IS TRUE! HOWEVER! IN THE UNDERGROUND, THIS IS THE ONLY WAY TO BATTLE!"

"But we aren't in the Underground so... maybe you can learn a new way to battle? By hitting people instead of using boxes and hearts?" He makes a compelling argument.

"WELL, THIS IS HOW WE'RE DOING IT RIGHT NOW!" I guess that settles that? At any rate, he sends a slow bone your way. "NOW, TRY AND DODGE MY ATTACK!"

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flamejock - 2016-04-22 02:55 (UTC) - Expand

cool_skeleton_95 - 2016-04-22 05:49 (UTC) - Expand