Hagakure's Load-Bearing Lode: Pick up a Pebble and Put it in a Propitious Place

[crystal_ballin]

Who: Hagakure and maybe you, dear reader
What: Hagakure is carefully placing rocks in patterns outside (and inside???) the mansion
Where: All over the grounds
When: Here and Now - 3/18 - 3/25
Warnings: Hagakure being Hagakure.

Recognizing the fickle nature of the new reality that he had been vaulted into, Hagakure has spent a great amount of effort and time over the last week in collecting particularly auspicious rocks, and he is, at this very moment, placing them in key locations all over the school grounds, so as to better anchor this reality and prevent it from slipping off into another dimension.

He's clearly struggling, in trying to move this 30-pound rock (he doesn't work out very much, okay, it's heavy, stop giving him such a hard time, dude) carefully into place over there in that spot that's in the middle of something inconvenient where you were trying to do a thing.

Is there. Is there now a smallish rock in the middle of the kitchen, with a note on it that says "Load-bearing rock, do not move"?

He's probably not crazy enough to actually be gluing rocks... no, no, he's definitely crazy enough to be gluing a rock there. In the shower.

Comments

[crystal_ballin]

"Wow, dude, uh, I mean, don't you, uh, want the, reality... to be... reality.... dude... I mean. . . d u d e?" sputtered the manchild.

[iamtheeggman]

Eggman took hold of Hagakure's collar and pulled him right up close. That was an unpleasant experience. "LOOK AROUND YOU!! HOW COULD REALITY GET ANY WORSE?!"

[crystal_ballin]

"NK-CLASS END-OF-THE-WORLD-SCENARIO WHERE SELF-REPLICATING NANOBOTS TURN ALL ORGANIC MATTER INTO STRAWBERRY FLAVORED TOFU!" yelped Hagakure.

[iamtheeggman]

"FIRST OF ALL, IF THERE ARE GOING TO BE ANY NANOBOTS TURNING ANYONE INTO ANYTHING, THEY'LL BE MY NANOBOTS TURNING YOU INTO ROBOTS!!!"

[crystal_ballin]

"NANOBOTS GO OFFLINE. NO WAY TO STOP THEM. PROGRAMMING IS FRIED. THEY EAT EVERY ANIMAL, PLANT, AND HUMAN ALIVE AND TURN THEM INTO STRAWBERRY TOFU. YOU, ME, EVERYONE."

Imagine a boot stomping on a human face, forever. The boot is made out of strawberry tofu. Also the face is strawberry tofu. Really, everything is just strawberry tofu. Forever.

[iamtheeggman]

"I'M GOING TO COUNT TO TEN, AND THEN I'M GOING TO START PLUCKING DREADLOCKS. ONE... TWO... THREE..."

[crystal_ballin]

It's too late, you've broken him. He's just a sobbing, blubbering mess. He paws at the air feebly but ultimately can't do anything of use. Just giant Hagakure tears.

[iamtheeggman]

"FOUR... FIVE... SIX..."

[crystal_ballin]

"I... I DON'T HAVE ANY SOLVENT... DUDE," sobbed Hagakure. "I DON'T KNOW... WHERE TO GET ANY..."

[iamtheeggman]

"THEN GET A CHISEL, YOU IDIOT!!!"

[crystal_ballin]

"D-do you... do you h-have one?"

[iamtheeggman]

Congratulations, Hagakure. You were now being dragged back to Eggman's room.

[crystal_ballin]

Hagakure is being dragged back to your room, making soft whimpers and baby tears are streaming down on his face. He's just going to keep doing that until you reach your final destination.

[iamtheeggman]

Eggman unceremoniously let go of Hagakure when they reached his room, covered head to toe in stones glued to whatever surfaces the palm-tree-haired man could find.

"Now GET TO WORK."

[crystal_ballin]

"Do you... have the chisel... dude," mumbled the sad excuse for a human being as he limply tried to pull a rock up off of the floor and utterly failed.

[iamtheeggman]

Eggman didn't answer. He looked around the room, found an errant screwdriver, and slapped it into Hagakure's hand. "When I get back, the ROCKS had BETTER BE GONE," he said, jabbing his finger into Hagakure's chest, before turning and storming off.